First off, before I start being dramatic, I want to make a note that I’ve partnered with Nasty Gal YET AGAIN to bring y’all today’s sassy, perfectly-clashing look & the accompanying story/life realization.
I’ll link this outfit below, within today’s post, for y’all to shop, along with a few other trendy picks I feel scream HERE I AM TODAY. To me, Nasty Gal is a place to find clothing that expresses my personality & my mood on any given occasion. If you you’re looking for outfits that make a statement, it’s the place to shop.
Also, Nasty Gal is having a 40% off EVERYTHING sale, CAN U EVEN???
A few weeks ago, I wrote on my Instagram story that, for the 1 billionth time in my life, a man approached me to tell me that I was “too pretty” not to smile more, as he had been watching me go about my day, noting that I looked upset ( AKA: just my normal face ).
Let it be known that I’m aware this man was being friendly, playful & ~flirty~ when he said this, so he didn’t intend to annoy me ( at least, I don’t think so ), though his comment did annoy me to no end.
I got many responses from you beebus-girls saying you get these kinds of remarks ( is it odd that it’s mostly from men? ) on an almost-daily basis as well. Y’all always have a way of making me feel a little less weird ( or do I just attract a bunch of people as “weird” as myself?? this might be the case. )
As much as I appreciate someone going out of their way to make a comment that they probably thought was going to result in immediate happiness ( i.e. he thought it would make me smile on-demand ), I don’t understand why I’m expected to have a permanent SMILE wrapped around my face every second of my life.
I do understand that a smile communicates happiness to others, and when people see a lack of happiness ( lack of smiling ), they want to lend a hand to “help.” I get it. These are pure intentions, most of the time.
BUT— my lack of smiling does NOT at all mean I’m not happy. Doesn’t everyone understand how fucking difficult it is to smile the entire time you’re out in public? My face hurts just thinking about it.
I’m a very happy person. In general, I love my life & I’m beyond grateful to be living it. Of course, I don’t always feel 100% ( as a person who has suffered through YEARS of anxiety & depression, I can tell you, I’ve HATED myself & my life for nearly years at a time ), but, at 24 years old, I’m happy with myself & I’m confident in my future.
As a women ( & I don’t mean to turn this into a feminist rant, this is only part of my thought process ), it’s as if we’re supposed to play the perky, effortlessly-happy, eternally-positive support role in service to the general “vibe” of the room or the relationship we’re in or the team we’re on. We’re supposed to be cute, fun & happy, and if we aren’t, we must pretend that we are, because that’s more likable.
Side note: if there are men reading this, do women or other men walk up to y’all on a daily basis to tell you that you should smile more because you’re too handsome not to? I’m genuinely curious.
As women, if we aren’t smiling, we SHOULD be, because that will make it obvious that we’re happy, and it will make people like us more. TBH— that’s a lot of pressure.
I’ve felt guilty for my lack of always-happy external expressions for nearly my whole life. It’s like I wasn’t doing what I SHOULD be doing. It has made me painfully aware of my expressions, extremely self-conscious about the “vibe” I bring to the environment, & causes me to overthink my exterior at all times.
UM— no. No longer. That’s just not how my face looks. I don’t need to smile all the time. I just want to live my life & I want YOU to let me do it.
Unfortunately, I don’t have resting smile face ( which, btw, is a real thing, because my friend has it, and it makes her almost too approachable, LOL ), so most of the time, my face is just going to look like my face, & that doesn’t mean I’m upset or sad or hating my life.
Catch me sporting resting thought face, resting eating-like-a-normal-person face, resting walking face, resting working-out face, etc, & all of these faces ( which are all the same expression, because 1) I’m nearly expressionless, & 2) botox ) will symbolize that I refuse to think about my FACE that much.
shop my nasty gal look
So, I’ve asked WHY is it that I have to be smiling to prove to others that I’m happy.
BUT— My larger question is: WHY am I expected to be happy all the time?
Growing up in a conservative area in Texas, I learned the whole “pretend like everything is PERFECT, JOYOUS, & BEAUTIFUL” routine all-too-quickly.
You’re unhappy? Smile big in public so no one knows. You’re opposed to something? Don’t speak about it, it’s not polite. Family troubles? Let’s all huge & kiss, so people won’t notice something is off.
Don’t draw too much attention to yourself. Do what everyone else is doing, stand up for what you believe in if it fits within what you’re allowed to believe in, & make sure that everyone sees that you’re leading a lovely little life.
… I think it’s relatively obvious that it was difficult for me to truly thrive in such a setting.
H+H has given me a public platform to voice my many emotions, moods & opinions. I feel SO FREE to feel whatever the hell it is I feel ( whether it be happiness, sadness, anger, inspiration, anxiety, etc ), without guilt or insecurity about those feelings. I’m a human being, as are all of you, and we are all entitled to what we feel.
It absolutely BREAKS my heart to know there are people out there like me who get down on themselves because they don’t fit the numb-ass mold that was made for them.
NOW— you don’t need go shouting your every feeling from the rooftops, being hostile towards people who are encouraging you to be happy, shoving all of your emotional turmoil in everyone’s face, I’m just here to normalize emotional distraught, reminding y’all that you don’t have to pretend to be something you aren’t. You aren’t obligated to pretend that everything is perfect all the time.
If I can be of any service to anyone who feels like they SHOULD be doing something, feeling something, or being something that they aren’t, I’ve done what I’m here to do.
If it’s not what you want you believe, you don’t need to believe it. If that’s not what you want to say, you don’t have to say it. If that’s not what you want to wear, you don’t have wear it. If you aren’t happy all of the time, FUCKING GREAT, because what kind of life would you truly be leading if you were BLISSFULLY HAPPY even 80% of the time??
Oh, & if you DON’T have a big-ass SMILE on your face ALL THE TIME, know that you AREN’T obligated to make that facial expression. Carry on with your badass-beebus-self, kk?
Love y’all, talk soon, xx